What's next?

I feel like the only time I write is when i'm in pain, but it tends to help me, so I continue the pattern and write when things get tough.

I don't know where to go next. Where to go when the only things you've turned to in the last year are now what hurts the most? Where to go when the only people you want to talk to are the few people you can't find the words for? Where to go when you pray and pray and pray, but it STILL feels like you're talking to a wall, even  when in reality you KNOW that he IS listening, and he DOES care. Where to go when the places you always go just hurt.

It.Just.Hurts.

I don't know what's next, and that scares me!

I hurt. I feel selfish. and broken. and alone. and lost. and confused. and loved.

All at the same time, yet I still have NO idea where to go from here.

I need prayer. Solid prayer. And comfort. And someone to walk by my side, and tell me that i'm not alone.

I know that life goes on, that I WILL move forward, but right it sure feels like i'm in sinking sand, and it's taking me in. Every night drowning in my own tears. Most of which were my fault. Most of which I can't blame on anyone else, and I continue to try and blame other people.

But it is me, i'm so lost.