Lean on me...

... when you're not strong, i'll be your friend, i'll help you carry on. For, it won't be long, till i'm gonna need, somebody to lean on.

Tonight there was a shooting at my local county fair... I didn't witness it, and no one i know got shot, however four people did. Four people that are friends to someone, the sons of someone, possibly the brothers to many...

I guess it just made me realize how important friendships are. How much friends will sacrifice for one an other.

In the aftermath of all of tonight's events I realized I would take that bullet for any one of my friends. I am a true believer that yes, everyone needs a solid relationship with God, but we also need solid relationships with friends as well. Friends that will help you get up on your feet and point you in the right direction towards God when you're down and at your low. Friends to lean on. Whether that's a shoulder to cry on, or someone to call in the middle of the night, it doesn't matter, just someone to be there with you when you're in need.

Tonight I'm praying for not only the victims of the shooting, but also their loved ones. Ones that might call them and not know why they aren't answering... Ones that might wake up and not realize their brother is in the hospital, or even worse, not ever coming home. Please pray too. Not only for the ones who got hurt tonight, but the ones who may hurt tomorrow. The ones who don't understand why someone they love is injured. Please pray that those four people have solid relationships with God, or that in this innident they seek God, and praise him for still being here.

You never know what will happen tonight, or even tomorrow, so no matter what make sure the people you love know you love them. Tomorrow may never come. Don't go to bed angry or wake up grumpy, because you're still alive, and someone out there does love you, whether it seems like it or not.


-A

Today I am 17 years old....

...or 204 months old

... or 886 weeks old

... or 6,209 days old

... or 149,016 hours old

... or 8,940,964 minutes old

... or 536,457,869 seconds old.

Do I feel any older? Not really. Am I acting more mature? I doubt it. Do I look any older? Who knows.

But I do feel thankful i'm still alive. Many people don't live to be 17 years old in this world. So yes, one more year does make a difference. Whether or not I feel like i'm any older, or I act more mature today because technically i'm one more year older, or I look my age now more so than before, I am still here on earth with my family and friends and for that I am thankful. I am blessed.

A lot has happened over the last 17 years and my life has only just begun.

In so many ways i'm still that same silly girl, but I do believe in the last 17 years i've grown to be a godly young woman, a person that can be trusted, and loyal, someone who you can call when you need a shoulder to cry on. All of these things people expect one to learn along the way, and that I have.

Today is another day, yes I am now 17, but it's just another day that i'm alive and growing. :)

No one ever said life was easy....

.... but someone did promise it'd be worth it. <3

It's hard to remember just how much God loves you and I when life throws us curve balls.

Right now i've found myself struggling to give God thanks for what I do have, and not question him about what I don't have. It's important to keep remembering that he does love me. He isn't just throwing situations my way and laughing at me, but he's asking me to grow from them, to use them to strengthen my relationship with him and other believers in Christ. To become a godly young woman worthy of a loving husband one day.

That is what I keep reminding myself this morning as I start to question God's motives. So no, today I may not understand why he's put me in the situations he has, but maybe tomorrow he'll show me exactly why. Who am I to think he'll never show me? He will, just on his time. My whole life should be on his time anyway, so for today that's all I can tell myself. As I remember to thank him for helping me grow, and making me a stronger woman.

This life isn't about how difficult it may or may not be today, it's about how amazing it'll be with him one day.

"Better is one day in your courts, better is one day in your house, better is one day in your courts, than thousands else where. Better is one day."

Well this is weird....

For the last just about two weeks i haven't talked much to my best friends, i haven't seen them, and i haven't been able to get ahold of anyone. This is just weird...

I guess I didn't realize how much these people mean to me until  they were gone (or across the world). Some people say they have the best friends in the world, but i'd like to disagree. The few people i do trust, and i can trust are my best friends. There are two people in my life that i could call at any time of day for any reason and they'd have my back, they'd protect me, and they'd let me cry on their shoulder if need be. I believe everyone needs someone or a few someone's in their life that they can call their best friend(s). I know i wouldn't be the strong, confident, faithful person i am today if it wasn't for them. I would probably be stuck in a place i was a year ago, and that was a very ungodly, miserable place to be. :(

Now i'm walking with God everyday of my life, i am confident in who i am for the first time in my entire life, and i'm willing to make the changes in my life that need to be made. So for people to say they have the best friends in the world, i think they're wrong. My friends have gotten me through an awful lot, and i love them for it everyday.

However the last few weeks without them have been a bit odd, but i know that no matter what if i need them they're still here for me. <3

Missunderstood much?

Mistreated, misplaced, missunderstood,
Miss "no way it's all good"
It didn't slow me down, mistaken, always second guessing.
Underestimated, look, I'm still around...

That's how i'm feeling right now. Missunderstood mostly.

 

If no hurt is beyond healing, no habit is beyond help and no hang-up is beyond hope then why do i feel hopeless? Why do i feel helpless? Why do i feel the healing?

I've been missunderstood and i just wish i wouldn't be judged.

Yes, i know God never said life would be easy, or fair, but this just sucks.

I know in my heart that God is the only thing, the only person, the only hope to any of this, and i'm very thankful i have someone as powerful and almighty as my God is to get me through this one, because i've just about given up. It's hard to decide where I want to stop fighting, and how much i want to fight for. All i know for sure is that when it's out of my reach and up to God he shows me right where I need to be and who needs to be right by my side. And his opinion should be the only opinion that matters to me.

That's much easier said than done however.

So for now, each day i'll keep fighting for what i know in my heart is right, until he shows me some sort of stop sign. That's all I can do.

I'm done.

So recently I've had a hard time talking to God....

I've had a hard time letting God in my life....

And i've had a hard time listening to God....



Well the combination of those three things has left me not only hurting, but hurting others too.  I'm at this breaking point, and the only thing I can do at this point is pray. And actually pray, not just talk to the wall and pretend i feel something like i've been doing. I want this all to end. I want to get over this mountain i'm faced with. I want to let God in again. I want to feel like myself again. I want my friends and family to be proud of me again.

But in my heart i know that only God can fix these problems.  I can't make this one go away on it's own.

God has to knock this wall down. Yes, i have to let him help me, but i can't do anything else on my own, it's all in his hands.

I'm sick of feeling empty and worthless. <3

So if you're reading this and you would pray for me it'd be greatly appreciated.

I have to stop the tears, i have to stop the frowns, i have to stop the sorrow.

It's time to get back on track, and happy again.

I miss my true happiness.

I'm done. I can not do this alone. I need him back.

- a very heartbroken A.

Photoshoot with some of my favorite girls! :)

A couple weeks ago my aunt and cousins decided to get together and take some awesome shots. :) We had lots of fun together. These are some of my favorites :D

 They always know how to make me laugh <3

 Two of the greatest girls i've ever met. Katie in the middle and Manda on the right.

 JLT's pretty great!

 Sooo Manda forgot to mention that her boots had holes... I was getting soaked feet. :P