Strength or Weakness?

So I've heard that people cry not because they are weak, but because they've been strong for too long... 

Well if that's the case....

why am I still  crying? Why am I still finding tears streaming down my face? Why is this all I can think about? Why can't my brain process everything going on around me? 

I'm scared. My heart breaks for my family. My heart hurts in thoughts of what could happen. 

I don't konw what to think anymore, I don't know what to ask God, otherthan hope. 

I'm giving my hope to him. I know this isn't a punishment, I know he has a plan. I plan for the twins, a plan for their daddy. I know He has a plan, but why is it so hard to remember when the tears are streaming down your face? Why does my heart hurt so bad? 

If you're reading this, whether you know me, or my family, or not. Will you please pray? 

For strengh...

For hope....

For courage...

For healing...

I pray that our hope continues to lay in his arms.

Getting out of my own head

Yesterday I said I was broken, and there is so much truth to that, I needed a day to get out of my own thougths, and my head, and just see the world through something else, through a lense perhaps? 

I'm lucky. I get to use my best friend's Nikon when he lets me. So, i saw the world through something other than my own eyes.

It was just what I needed. 

Here are a few of my favorites. :)

I am broken.

I'm a wordy person. If you've ever talked to me, usually I know just what to say and the right time to say it.

Tonight, however, this isn't the case. I don't have words. I can't even explain what's wrong. I'm just a mess.

I don't like feeling like this. Not feeling like myself. Feeling lonely. And hurting. I'm a happy person, why has it been so different lately?

I didn't realize just how bad this little funk of mine was until I went to town tonight, tears streaming down my face. I drove to blockbuster, not even thinking about how much i had been crying, or how awful i probably looked. Well, as i got out of my car I ran into six guys I know. They looked at me as if they had seen a ghost and didn't know what to say. They weren't quite sure whether they should say something, or needed to say something. I tried to turn the other direction, but they just stood there, awkwardly, not knowing what to say; both to me and each other. Finally the one that I by far know best walked a little closer and told me that whatever was going on wasn't a forever thing, and that as little as he does know me he could always tell i'm strong.

In my weakest moments, it's hard hearing that you're strong. I don't like feeling weak. I don't like struggling. I like knowing what to do, what to say. So for him to tell me that i'm strong, and that this isn't forever, made me realize how serious it really is right now. He hardly knows me, but it was very obvious that i wasn't okay... Even at the local blockbuster.

Honestly I think i'm out of tears for tonight. I've shed them all. But that's okay for now, i'm sick of crying. I'm sick of hurting. Tonight I gave it all up to God. (that's actually why i was crying when i was at blockbuster, i had been praying all the way there, just talkin' to the man up top).

Right now that's all I can do. Pray. Pray. Pray, and pray some more.

I'm finished being broken. I'm sick of it. I'm fed up. I quit.

Tomorrow is a new day, and I want to be myself again. The fun Alex. The smiley Alex. Even the silly Alex.

I'm ready.

Sometimes the truth hurts.

Recently I've been researching abortion, abortion, and more abortion... and some videos i've come across, some more about abortion, some more about the sexual habits of my generation.

It's awful. It's sad. It's pathetic. It's horrifying. It's scary. 

These are the two things that were hurting my heart today, two things i've been praying about all day, two things that I hope you both take to heart, and share with anyone and everyone who may benefit from them.

take this to heart.

Easy or Worth it?

Lately i've been in several situations where i've had obvious easy or worth it choices... 


A friend of mine used this quote and it's exactly what i was looking for...

‎" i am not going to sit here and tell you that you can do this day in and day out, because the honest truth is if you don't believe you can, then you can't. You have to do this for you, thats the honest truth. and if you do not want it hard enough, then you sure as hell will not achieve it. So go ahead and take the easy way out. I never said this would be easy, I said it would be WORTH it "

Currently this also describes several friendships in my life, and my relationship with God. No, right now it's not seeming easy to continue to talk to God, and read my bible when things are getting tricky and a little on the rough side, but I know that God is the exact thing I need and want. I have to stay strong, keep praying, and continue to read God's word. Nothing else can get me through this tough spot. 


I do however believe that in the long-haul, the best choices in life won't be easy ones, and the right choice won't be the easy way out, but it is worth it. 


Trying to keep my head held high, and my smile shining because I know in my heart that God has my back through this all, and no right now it definitely isn't seeming to be easy, but it's worth it. 

A little Photography Fun

Last week I was given an opportunity I've been looking for for a while now... taking pictures of someone! Heather and I had sooo much fun together, and thanks to Ben, I had an awesome camera to work with!

Here are a few of my favorites! :)

A day full of fun pictures with my best friend. :)

I got to Kassy's house yesterday and she realized she needed pictures for her Cheer Auction that was tonight- so what is my response?! I'll take them... duh! 

And then we got all dressed up in our green and gold and headed off to the football game! :)

It was a very fun Friday night! :)